Acme Professor Retired

“Ok, ok, I get it, Mr Personality, had gotten everybody’s blood up, but you were ready, in every conceivable way?”

“Aye, we started the ascent, with the drone-crane all was good, Pat was in here, he is a good lad, and he was standing with “The Prick” from the CAA, I mean there are good lads at the CAA, we were just lumbered with this politically aspiring twat…”

“Ok! Ok, I get it, “The Prick” and Pat were in her, you were out in the glider, and the drone was hovering over you and it automatically hooked you up, and off you went up into the wild blue yonder with a puckered asshole, I would surmise?”

“Correct, Prof, it was reasonably smooth, with the drone software making adjustments to its Centre of Gravity by winding the hook fractional back and forth with its tiny winches, in the frame that made the drone fly a great deal easier and steadier, we had learned that from earlier tests”.

“Aye, you’re no lightweight, I guess, that’s why they were testing with you in the seat?”

“Cheeky bugger!” But Bert had a smile in his eyes, he enjoyed the Prof’s banter.

“So, there we were all going to plan, we managed to get up to 500m in about 10 mins, as the drag on the wings is the limiting factor, as these gliders were not designed to be dragged upwards through the air, all their strength was in their being bent in the other direction, with the wing tips curling upwards, not downwards as is the case when being lifted upwards for this length of time.

“So, all ok at 500m, then it was time to release?”

“Yes, we released as planned, with the drone making as much forward velocity as was reasonable for its power, and its reserves for landing. So, all good, we were at about 30 knots, and I released, banked left to port, the drone
climbed to the right to starboard, a nice smooth release, the hook missed the tail as we had rehearsed and tested many times, all was good”.

“So, what happened to spoil your day?”

“That arsehole claimed it was a near miss looking at things, from his point of view, and it was a dangerous release! Pat, of course, defended our procedures and explained we had tested and perfected this method as the most straightforward and sensible, but the wee prick was having none of it, which started a wee exchange of views “as I put it” over the airways.”

“I heard it ended with you less than politely asking him to, ahem! Go on rejoicing on his merry way?”

“Aye, I had just finished lets say remonstrating about our differences of opinion, when I felt a wee twinge, and things suddenly weren’t looking so bright, I couldn’t focus on the instruments, and felt really ill very suddenly, nauseous and very weak down my right side, I could hardly get any words out…”

“So, you had a stroke as a result of the asshole’s completely unreasonable approach to this test, and you were wound up to high do, about getting this CAA approval, so something in that head of yours just burst?”

“That about sums it up, so there I am up there, with no chance of getting out, and deploying my parachute, and this glider had no built in parachute for the whole plane, it wasn’t that new, it was a typical glider type, so we thought it best for testing… mmm perhaps that wasn’t so clever?

Anyway there I am starting to lose height and struggling to make sense of what’s happening”

“Well, you are here now, so, I guess, you made a miraculous recovery, and landed, or something equally remarkable happened?”