Offshore Africa stories

So, he was now on his way to the oil fields offshore Nigeria, what could possibly go wrong?

The lights changed, the lady sashayed her fine ass away, and the taxi continued on towards Aberdeen Airport Scotland, the driver with a keen sense of self preservation had noted his curt grunts and nods of response to the usual banal conversation and had opted not to engage in small talk. Thank God for small mercies!!!

He paid the taxi, waited for the receipt patiently.

You learn to keep every receipt, every piece of paper, for “the expense claim” every company had its own quirks, no alcohol, no steaks, no king size beds, no business class, etc etc, whatever the usually jealous pencil necked risk averse asshole, who simply worked his 9 till 5, got his weekends off, got to see his kids all the time, decided was pertinent to you, getting to your workplace, in what in his exceedingly dimwitted inexperienced, “what passed for” a mind!

Jealousy was a 2 way street, the offshore guys covet the “9 to 5 existence”, the safe guaranteed paycheck, planning holidays 6 months in advance, kids birthdays, oh, yes, that was a big one, explaining to a 5 year old why you can’t be there, when all the other parents ARE! Is heart wrenching!!!

Then there is xmas and new year or any other faiths important religious holidays, explaining why you are not there, breaks you apart, and sometimes you just don’t fit back together as seamlessly as you should, there are scars hidden, but they are there non the less….

The office guys, who have never worked offshore, are jealous of the wages, of the time off and, to be honest, their jobs are made more complicated by those offshore assholes, why can’t they simply just turn up, do the job, then go home, I mean it’s just a job, isn’t it?

So, both sides have agendas, and the knives are twisted on a lot of occasions, it takes the “Old Crew” the in-betweenners to cast light on the issues, the guys and gals, who have worked offshore, and are now in the office, they need to cast oil on the troubled waters, use their experiences to diffuse these situations.

Those people are few, it’s usually just not a good fit, a drop in earnings, and changing from offshore to the office environment, and more importantly to “The politics,” they need to be as tough as nails to persevere through the initial fear and loathing of the existing 9 till 5 vers, to gain their acceptance, and then work on changing attitudes from within, if the whole office hierarchy and unwritten rules, and basic Bullshit, doesn’t have them quitting and longing to work again offshore, where life is “simpler” kind of ?

“Ah! Mr Thomson! Where is it this trip?”, Sheila was behind the BA desk. He had known her for years, from when she worked security, rummaging through offshore bags for drugs and weapons, i.e toe nail clippers and tiny penknives, as if anyone would want to hijack a North Sea helicopter and bring it down… the bloody things had a habit of coming down themselves, again and again, yes the N Sea had claimed a few of his friends, and mostly questions about profit and the bottom line lingered after the investigations, but nothing really changed, you soon realised you were just a number to the corporations.